So, I figure that I'm slowly coming out of, not a closet, exactly, but out of some silence that I've been friends with all my life. There's a safety in silence. There's a safety in never getting angry (on the outside), but it eventually fucks over the psyche in a way I can't live with anymore.
So every day, when I go out in the world and figure out some way to be, it's getting less and less acceptable to use silence as a veil, silence as a foil, silence as a way to stay on the sidelines and avoid getting egged.
I started with being open at work. With friends. Posting stuff that subtly or not, indicates, I care about this autism stuff. I've followed and made friends with people who are being very vocal about their views. They are views I mostly agree with.
I'm seeing my friends get egged. They are getting hurt. It's not only okay to be autistic, it's like, a legitimate voice. Not more legitimate on the circumference of the world or astrophysics or whatever. But on autism, just as legitimate. In fact MORE legitimate on being autistic. More authoritative. Really! (And apparently, what font we choose makes a difference)
Because rights are being violated, because the discourse continues to be controlled by people who just don't understand the violence they're doing, and because there is so. much. suffering. to bear witness to and speak to and rail against and try to make a better world full of understanding and kumbaya.
I'm a full-fledged idealist. My heart breaks constantly. I believe in love. Fine.
I may never be a badass but I'm going to aspire to be one.
Because I want to and need to speak truth to oppression
I want to and need to find my people and support them in their work
And I want to step out of silence and into strong voice full of all that boils deep inside me to speak about suffering, understanding, and change.