Friday, August 14, 2009

being dismissed

[there is profanity in this post. you have been notified.]

well. it's coming from more or less close people including family. dm sharing friends' comments about how a specialist in AS would OF COURSE diagnose AS. just like a psychiatrist would find something else, a naturopath would find candida, some other allopathic dr would find something else. that a more generalist would be better at identifying the "real" problem because they aren't looking for one particular thing. the thing they make money at treating.


a. the people i went to are aspergers specialists. they see many many people, kids and adults alike. they see THE DIVERSITY out there.
conversations i've actually had with doctors:
me: aspergers is being considered /ive been diagnosed with aspergers
dr: oh, ive worked with aspergers people before, you dont have aspergers. it's getting overdiagnosed. like ADHD
me: how many people with aspergers have you seen in your practice?
dr: a couple of patients
me: how old were they?
dr: they were kids
me: what gender were they?
dr: male

b. if the specialists -- who are publishing studies, developing diagnostic tools, releasing a book this year, advising organizations about autistic spectrum issues, and even more specifically doing this work regarding adults, and they care one iota about their reputations, why would they overdiagnose?? why would they want to invalidate their livelihood? they aren't fucking tarot card readers telling everyone who walks through their doors that they have incredibly special energy that connects them to the universal vibrations in a powerful way.

c. the preconceptions and stereotypes are so rampant in the general medical community, many people with aspergers or other subtle enough neuro issues are being ignored, actively dismissed, and untreated, left to suffer. 'hey doc, i have trouble hearing and am really sensitive to sounds. english often doesn't sound like english. i can't really have conversations in groups of more than one other person. im considering some kind of auditory processing problem' ... 'no, well auditory processing disorder is a developmental condition'

 FUCK YOU!!!!!! 

d. the general public. holy crap, autistic people are popping up EVERYWHERE! this is excessive. you are normal, why are you doing this? to quote another pdoc: 'you just want this [diagnosis] as an excuse to not have to change' (translation: accept that you're borderline - that is why you want this excuse)..

it's dismissed as hypochondraism, it's sort of the old "not autistic enough" problem (see what are you, inside my body? did you follow me around when i was a kid? do you even know how i was bullied? do you see my stimming in private? am i not autistic enough because i can control my stimming most of the time in public?

"more functional" people water down the condition, so if people think aspergers is "me" then their more "severely" aspie/autie kid won't be understood. their difficulties are somehow invalidated? maleungulatedung.

and of course, aspergers/autism stops when you reach 18. and new issues dont come up as a person ages. and getting diagnosed as an adult is BS. and making eye contact rules out a diagnosis. being able to interact with less awkwardness in very specific interactions rules out a diagnosis. having any NT skills, which, as an undiagnosed person growing up i had to learn, ON MY OWN, and only partially succeed.. well that rules it out too. you can't have adapted at all, since neurological conditions are permanent and unchanging. and being able to do something, but sometimes not being able to do it is just deliberate 'performance'.

and you can't be. because you have empathy.

maybe my family will never accept it because it touches a nerve (um, maybe they have aspergers?)
i dont know exactly. i just know that the more i talk to aspies the more i see myself in how they describe their experience (this happened first on CB), and talking to these professionals, when i talk about my issues, they are incredibly validating about that. they GET my social difficulties, sensory problems, etc - my own unique constellation of things.

i could go on.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I feel you here! The same stuff I deal with.

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