The scope of this post is mainly about employment and Aspergers.
The Social Aspie kind of breaks the stereotype, but oh well; I think many people on the spectrum (maybe all of us) actually do want to connect with people, it's just difficult. I think there's a difference between being social and being socially awkward. And there's also a difference between being social and being extroverted. I'm an introvert. But I care deeply about people and I want to connect with them. I just have trouble doing so.
Employment can be tricky. Barbara Bissonnette of Forward Motion sent out her Aspergers and NLD newsletter today and it was about how only about 20% of skills that count in the workplace are hard skills and 80% are the interpersonal soft skills that help us get along and get things done in the workplace. Temple Grandin, among others, cites certain jobs as better for those on the spectrum; one of the jobs usually on the "not great for spectrumites" list is retail/cashiering.
While I tend to agree, I work in retail and can share some of the positive things about my experience. I never thought I would be good in a retail setting. I briefly worked at a jewelery store (one of those cheap jewelery franchises), and I hated it; I didn't like interacting with the women and teens who came into the store. I found processing credit card transactions stressful, and there were so many little things to try and keep clean. I've never been a stylish person, so I couldn't get excited about fashion accessories. It was horrid, and I lasted three months.
Aside from another stint in a department store restaurant where I worked as a cook behind the scenes, I've stuck mainly to office temping and factory work. I enjoyed the factory because it was repetitive detail-oriented work and there was no interacting with the public; I could wear comfortable clothing and a smock.
When I moved to Boston, I couldn't work for a while. Once I could, I considered going to a temp agency to work in corporate office settings but the more I thought about it, I realized that I really didn't like that environment. The office politics always felt too intense for me; I had to wear clothing that was uncomfortable, and I just felt like I didn't fit there.
One day I found myself at a outdoor gear retailer and on a whim, inquired about job opportunities. I love backpacking, hiking, cycling and kayaking, and I thought this might be a good place. I got hired there. It's on the Fortune 100 Best Companies to Work For. Their benefits are great, and it's a good work culture; the people who work there are generally passionate about the outdoors, and just all-round good people. It's not your average retail sales job.
I work as a cashier. Cashiering is challenging, and I think people on the spectrum are potentially challenged by this type of job in a number of ways, and maybe my experience isn't really representative of anyone else, but I figure it's worth sharing...
The Challenges
- The job involves a degree of multitasking that is challenging.
- The environment can be noisy and chaotic at times. Enter screaming baby.
- Difficult customers/conflict can be really challenging
- There are many complicated things to remember/learn about operating the cash register, and policies/procedures that, while documented, need to be applied appropriately.
Suitable Aspects
Good for someone detail-oriented and who is good at being accurate. I'm meticulous about doing the job properly, but it's made clear to us that most any mistakes can basically be undone, and we're not punished for making them, we get corrected and it's a learning opportunity.
This is key -- there is a kind of prescribed formula for interacting, a role if you will, which can make this less stressful than an open-ended interaction like in an office. Effective cashiering kind of involves guiding a transaction from start to finish; Greeting, ringing, providing information (like a particular discount is being applied here, etc), and finishing the transaction by taking payment, and a farewell greeting (Have a good day!). In other words, there is a basic script that one can follow, which helps reduce the stress of the interaction.
Benefits
There are some things about customer service that I really feel have benefited me. A few of these may be specific to the company I work for, perhaps, but are still relevant in a broader way.
I have an employer who supports diversity in the workplace, and I have an accommodation plan with them. I provided a letter from my doctor and they have worked with me to identify areas that I need support in - for instance, there is one cash register by the door that is supposed to be staffed at all times, but it is more challenging because people are always approaching that end cashier to ask questions, so it requires more multitasking. I have an accommodation that I don't work that register, because when I try to do that one I make mistakes when I normally don't make mistakes. I get overloaded and stressed, and my employer is fine with having me manage this by avoiding that register.
I have the opportunity to interact with a large number of people in one day, but within parameters that I can handle (because of the script, or prescribed role I can take). Now that I am fairly comfortable with the basics of taking payment for someone's purchase, I can interact with them to the degree I feel comfortable. If I'm more overloaded that day, I can simply ring stuff up and say only what I need to, but if I feel more social I can ask them questions about their upcoming backpacking trip or vacation, or tell them about a piece of gear they are buying that I have experience with.
When conflict arises, like if a customer is complaining or is asking for something I don't know how to handle, I have supportive managers I can ask for help. They are always willing to answer my questions. The return policy at this store is very liberal, and I generally don't have to say no -- this makes the job much more enjoyable. I am given all kinds of tools to give great customer service, and I rarely have a customer leave me feeling dissatisfied.
I can practice being friendly and receptive; I notice, for instance that when I make eye contact with the customer, the interaction is much more positive and friendly. It's really damn hard to do, but cashiering offers a low-stakes way to practice getting used to doing it. My job involves a tiny bit of sales, but there's no pressure with it, and I find that when I apply more or less effort I get results. This has been a great growth experience, and one that offsets my experience at that crappy fashion chain.
I get to experience interacting with ALL kinds of people. I meet laid-back Californian climbing buffs, bratty moms with their bratty teens, controlling middle-aged women who are addicted to shopping, scruffy city public works employees, police officers, military base personnel, extremely rich Boston executives who are weekend warriors, old hippie couples who are getting back into hiking, and lots of parents buying their spoiled kids The North Face Denali jackets. All kinds. Nice people, rude people, controlling people, prickly people, crabby people, super-positive friendly people, gay couples who aren't sure how I'll treat them, type-A runners, closet yogis, health freaks, alpine backcountry skiers, exhausted new parents, twenty-somethings getting ready to hike the Appalacian trail, ladies looking for a sporty 'cane' to help them walk after surgery. I would not get this in an office, or a factory. This offers mini-lessons in human nature and how I do or do not handle these different personalities.
I get to learn that how an abusive person treats me, a random cashier they know nothing about, has nothing to do with me because I'm treating them the same way as everyone else. I learn that the person who may seem snobby and inaccessible is actually a really down to earth person. I learn some people really are maybe-gangsters who pay with giant rolls of 100s. I learn that many people walk around anxious and when I am relaxed and I interact with them, it's a mirror for me how much I can be difficult to deal with when I'm anxious.
In general, I feel like cashiering is a training ground for social skills. There are a set of rules, which makes the interaction less stressful, but there's also plenty of opportunity to practice small talk and also how to handle different personalities. Because the workplace empowers me to do what I can to provide good service, for the most part interactions are positive, but the odd time when there is difficulty, like if a credit card gets denied, or someone wants something we cant do, or someone is being unreasonable, I learn assertiveness skills, or through my manager, learn how to handle that situation assertively.
I think it definitely helps that I have disclosed to my employer and have an accommodation plan. My six-month review was excellent. I exceed expectations, and my manager said, "Don't go anywhere". :)
For someone who is social but socially awkward, has sensory processing problems but can manage some degree of sensory bombardment (as long as they get downtime too), retail employment with a supportive employer may be accessible. It's not for every person, NT or spectrum, and I'm not even suggesting that it'd be a great thing to do long-term (it also doesn't pay very well). Some people could handle it. They may be struggling to find a workplace that can accommodate them, and dismissing retail jobs completely for all people on the spectrum may be robbing some of us of both opportunities for viable employment, and a space to practice valuable soft skills.
Fortune's Best Companies to Work For (retail)
Showing posts with label social. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Conversational Much?
I realized after the last few posts I did which garnered comments, that this medium isn't much different from my face to face interactions, in that I have a hard time reciprocating. This isn't 100%, I sometimes do have back and forth conversations with people, but usually I don't.
This is social pragmatic language, and I was recently assessed as having weakness in this area.
When the Autism Women's Network posted my profile mid-September, as part of their Pepsi Refresh campaign (go vote for them!) I got a lot of comments and I didn't respond to any of them. I feel bad about that. But I was overwhelmed. Sometimes when I do respond I feel like my responses are like.. cardboard? Dry and awkwardly bent.
Friday, August 28, 2009
change and acceptance
I was talking (on the eviol phone) to my guy (fiance! we'll call him J.) last night, and we were talking about acceptance and change.
(note - we're long distance, cross-[US-Canada]border and working on not being)
We both went for an initial consult at an aspergers clinic when he was in town. The specialist I saw was talking to us about acceptance and change. What about me and aspergers do I/he/we want to work on, and what is it that we accept as the way I am, and work with? Important question, and one I have a hard time answering.
In "The Way I See It" I recall Temple Grandin writing about how sensory issues, while not specifically in the Diagnostic Criteria (perhaps because it is not externally verifiable?), is one of the main problems for autistic people in day to day life. In other words, it affects functioning day to day in a striking way. It can be the root of a lot of behaviour seen in autism. She is not the only one I have encountered who sees autism this way.
Yesterday was a long, busy day, of teaching yoga and working at the studio front desk for 6 hours. Interacting with lots of people. Bright sunshine. Constant music we're supposed to pipe in. Incense that I like to burn to create a "mood" but that overwhelms me somewhat. Cold air, temperature changes. It caused what I consider very common for me - a sensory overload that doesn't create a meltdown, but taxes me almost to the edge of one, but I don't fully realize I am that close. A kind of collapse into exhaustion can sometimes preempt a meltdown. I haven't learned my patterns yet. It feels unpredictable. I think as I learn my triggers, I will have a better sense of this.
So last night I was talking on the phone after working. I got in bed.. under my weighted blanket which had helped me settle so well the night before. My body was absolutely crawling with sensory "bugs" and I couldn't settle, my body was aching and buzzing and itchy. My pants were hiking up to my knees, shirt didn't feel right, blankets weren't sitting right, and I was cold. Cold is a big problem.
I took a step back. As often happens on the phone (auditory channel) I was doing mostly listening and little talking. I was listening to J, curled up in a ball, scrunching my face, body tense, holding my head, pressing into my eye, squirming, frowning, and generally just spazzing out. And I realized something. From the outside, I looked totally distressed. I was somewhat losing my ability to listen to what J was saying, but I was still present, and yet, I knew that if we were not on the phone but in person, J might have reached his limit long ago, reading my body language - my emoting - as totally distressed with what he was talking about. I would have been completely failing to show him that I was listening and actually interested and motivated to hear what he had to say in that moment.
Because my body wasn't letting me. Because however much I was trying to make his speech the primary focus of attention, my body wasn't letting me.
My aspie sensory stuff is, I will assert, significant but comparatively mild to some people's sensory defensiveness.
And this is where I spill over into political anger at the lack of understanding about this autistic experience of sensory disintegration/overload: when you read what I am describing to you, (as an NT, if you are reading, or as someone who experiences some version of this)... and you extrapolate and intensify this experience I describe by a factor of 100 ... does it make ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER that an autistic person would be trapped in that, literally unable to attend to external (social) information, let alone emote appropriately?
Seriously.
J and I gained insight from this sensory moment in a number of ways:
There's a TON more I could write about this. Acceptance, as my specialist suggested, is important -- I need to, J needs to, accept my experiences as valid. Accept that this is where I am right now. This moment. The next moment.
Because while it is helpful to know what can be worked on and what is "intractable" about being aspie, I firmly believe that unless I can reach acceptance, I will not be able to change what can be changed. Because in trying to change it I won't be coming from a place of awareness of where I am at. Learning happens best when it stretches a person comfortably, a bit at a time, without so much effort that exhaustion and frustration ensue.
It's exactly like yoga, actually.
If I approach the problem with a lack of acceptance, I am actively resisting, not relaxing into the place where I can really be open to the lesson. The lesson may not be appropriate at that time. I will be less flexible. My mistakes could hurt me (cause a backwards movement in progress, whatever that means). It won't be fun. That's right, it won't be fun and I won't want to practice what I'm trying to learn. It will be too uncomfortable.
If I don't accept something, I can't open it up and examine it, therefore I cannot really change it because I haven't delved down to discover the root of it.
So I could try to force myself to learn social cues, body language, how my face is supposed to feel when I want to convey happiness rather than pain. But if I'm feeling pain, it's a lie. If I can't focus enough to comfortably take in social information because of sensory overload, I will literally suck at doing it. I will have trouble learning the lesson, I will fail, and I may be convinced that I just can't do social.
Temple Grandin has made huge strides in how much she can function in the world. This is externally verified (see foreward in her latest book). She says clearly and strongly to autistics that they must work on things and overcome many obstacles in order to succeed.
As much as acceptance by NTs, as much as a neurodiverse perspective is necessary, as much as no one who experiences being autistic chose it, and as much as any of us like who we are (and we SHOULD like who we are!), being in the world requires certain things. Grandin asserts as well: change what can be changed. That is the path to greater success (and I would say more importantly, less suffering) in the world. Define success as you want, but take control of everything you can take control of.
Be where you are. Be open to being someplace different. And breathe.
(note - we're long distance, cross-[US-Canada]border and working on not being)
We both went for an initial consult at an aspergers clinic when he was in town. The specialist I saw was talking to us about acceptance and change. What about me and aspergers do I/he/we want to work on, and what is it that we accept as the way I am, and work with? Important question, and one I have a hard time answering.
In "The Way I See It" I recall Temple Grandin writing about how sensory issues, while not specifically in the Diagnostic Criteria (perhaps because it is not externally verifiable?), is one of the main problems for autistic people in day to day life. In other words, it affects functioning day to day in a striking way. It can be the root of a lot of behaviour seen in autism. She is not the only one I have encountered who sees autism this way.
Yesterday was a long, busy day, of teaching yoga and working at the studio front desk for 6 hours. Interacting with lots of people. Bright sunshine. Constant music we're supposed to pipe in. Incense that I like to burn to create a "mood" but that overwhelms me somewhat. Cold air, temperature changes. It caused what I consider very common for me - a sensory overload that doesn't create a meltdown, but taxes me almost to the edge of one, but I don't fully realize I am that close. A kind of collapse into exhaustion can sometimes preempt a meltdown. I haven't learned my patterns yet. It feels unpredictable. I think as I learn my triggers, I will have a better sense of this.
So last night I was talking on the phone after working. I got in bed.. under my weighted blanket which had helped me settle so well the night before. My body was absolutely crawling with sensory "bugs" and I couldn't settle, my body was aching and buzzing and itchy. My pants were hiking up to my knees, shirt didn't feel right, blankets weren't sitting right, and I was cold. Cold is a big problem.
I took a step back. As often happens on the phone (auditory channel) I was doing mostly listening and little talking. I was listening to J, curled up in a ball, scrunching my face, body tense, holding my head, pressing into my eye, squirming, frowning, and generally just spazzing out. And I realized something. From the outside, I looked totally distressed. I was somewhat losing my ability to listen to what J was saying, but I was still present, and yet, I knew that if we were not on the phone but in person, J might have reached his limit long ago, reading my body language - my emoting - as totally distressed with what he was talking about. I would have been completely failing to show him that I was listening and actually interested and motivated to hear what he had to say in that moment.
Because my body wasn't letting me. Because however much I was trying to make his speech the primary focus of attention, my body wasn't letting me.
My aspie sensory stuff is, I will assert, significant but comparatively mild to some people's sensory defensiveness.
And this is where I spill over into political anger at the lack of understanding about this autistic experience of sensory disintegration/overload: when you read what I am describing to you, (as an NT, if you are reading, or as someone who experiences some version of this)... and you extrapolate and intensify this experience I describe by a factor of 100 ... does it make ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER that an autistic person would be trapped in that, literally unable to attend to external (social) information, let alone emote appropriately?
Seriously.
J and I gained insight from this sensory moment in a number of ways:
- He got some perspective on just what I was going through at that moment, and got a better sense of past instances where I seemed to be disturbed, and how he might've wrongly interpreted my behaviour
- It further clarified how much it is important that the both of us work on getting me physically comfortable in order to socially interact. If I am in such discomfort, it may be highly frustrating to try and have an important conversation with me
- What I am emoting isn't necessarily what I'm trying to communicate to the world. And this more generally means that when I interact out in the world, people aren't "getting" me. I may have a frown on my face and that has nothing to do with the person I'm dealing with but they may interpret my facial expression as related to them. Oops. Not their fault..
There's a TON more I could write about this. Acceptance, as my specialist suggested, is important -- I need to, J needs to, accept my experiences as valid. Accept that this is where I am right now. This moment. The next moment.
Because while it is helpful to know what can be worked on and what is "intractable" about being aspie, I firmly believe that unless I can reach acceptance, I will not be able to change what can be changed. Because in trying to change it I won't be coming from a place of awareness of where I am at. Learning happens best when it stretches a person comfortably, a bit at a time, without so much effort that exhaustion and frustration ensue.
It's exactly like yoga, actually.
If I approach the problem with a lack of acceptance, I am actively resisting, not relaxing into the place where I can really be open to the lesson. The lesson may not be appropriate at that time. I will be less flexible. My mistakes could hurt me (cause a backwards movement in progress, whatever that means). It won't be fun. That's right, it won't be fun and I won't want to practice what I'm trying to learn. It will be too uncomfortable.
If I don't accept something, I can't open it up and examine it, therefore I cannot really change it because I haven't delved down to discover the root of it.
So I could try to force myself to learn social cues, body language, how my face is supposed to feel when I want to convey happiness rather than pain. But if I'm feeling pain, it's a lie. If I can't focus enough to comfortably take in social information because of sensory overload, I will literally suck at doing it. I will have trouble learning the lesson, I will fail, and I may be convinced that I just can't do social.
Temple Grandin has made huge strides in how much she can function in the world. This is externally verified (see foreward in her latest book). She says clearly and strongly to autistics that they must work on things and overcome many obstacles in order to succeed.
As much as acceptance by NTs, as much as a neurodiverse perspective is necessary, as much as no one who experiences being autistic chose it, and as much as any of us like who we are (and we SHOULD like who we are!), being in the world requires certain things. Grandin asserts as well: change what can be changed. That is the path to greater success (and I would say more importantly, less suffering) in the world. Define success as you want, but take control of everything you can take control of.
Be where you are. Be open to being someplace different. And breathe.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Aspie mini-golf!
In case you're wondering, there isn't anything different in the rules for aspie mini-golf. I went to an event today for the Aspergers Society of Ontario, it was a fundraiser at a local indoor glow-in-the-dark mini-putt place.
My oh my. I left late, because I was nervous. But I got there at maybe 1:30 and the event was 1-4pm. Made sure I had my earplugs and a little clonazepam.
When I got there, it was immediately overwhelming! There were other people talking to the man at the desk and so I kind of just stood there. Eventually I got to buy 50/50 tickets and I got to meet Michael, the person I'd been corresponding with on twitter about this event and the 5K Charity Walk/Run happening in September.
I looked at the silent auction stuff. Lots of cool stuff, but then I saw... weighted blankets!
I played mini-golf with Greg and Jay, the other two adults who showed up. I won the game, even got a hole in one :)
I decided to put in a bid for one of the weighted blankets. I won it! It's a spiderman blanket, and i'm not sure how much it weighs exactly, but I got it for a great price. That was really exciting!
I also chatted a bit with a woman who has a teen daughter, she was eager to chat with me because I guess they don't get so many women through there (being 1:4 ratio and all). I found that interesting, and it was nice to share some of my perspectives with her about my childhood and growing up, and what specific things are challenging for me. I would've liked to talk more with her, and perhaps I will because I gave her my card.
I wore earplugs about half the time I was there. There was all this black light and glowy stuff, and the area where they have groups had these laser thingies which were kind of difficult to deal with. It reminded me of a snozelen room. But it was definitely noisy, with the music, the games, the kids. One of my main sensory issues is auditory. The earplugs made it possible for me to have conversations with people and not get near meltdown. A few times I had a pretty good startle reaction from a siren or bells from one of the arcade games though.
It was great to go out and meet fellow aspies. The staff with Aspergers Society of Ontario are great, and I felt welcomed there. It was nice that I got to attend an event so close to my house.
When I got home, I felt somewhat overloaded, but that's not so unusual. As happens with overload, I was sooooo sleepy, so I curled up under my new spiderman weighted blanket and had a great nap. Ahhh.
My oh my. I left late, because I was nervous. But I got there at maybe 1:30 and the event was 1-4pm. Made sure I had my earplugs and a little clonazepam.
When I got there, it was immediately overwhelming! There were other people talking to the man at the desk and so I kind of just stood there. Eventually I got to buy 50/50 tickets and I got to meet Michael, the person I'd been corresponding with on twitter about this event and the 5K Charity Walk/Run happening in September.
I looked at the silent auction stuff. Lots of cool stuff, but then I saw... weighted blankets!
I played mini-golf with Greg and Jay, the other two adults who showed up. I won the game, even got a hole in one :)
I decided to put in a bid for one of the weighted blankets. I won it! It's a spiderman blanket, and i'm not sure how much it weighs exactly, but I got it for a great price. That was really exciting!
I also chatted a bit with a woman who has a teen daughter, she was eager to chat with me because I guess they don't get so many women through there (being 1:4 ratio and all). I found that interesting, and it was nice to share some of my perspectives with her about my childhood and growing up, and what specific things are challenging for me. I would've liked to talk more with her, and perhaps I will because I gave her my card.
I wore earplugs about half the time I was there. There was all this black light and glowy stuff, and the area where they have groups had these laser thingies which were kind of difficult to deal with. It reminded me of a snozelen room. But it was definitely noisy, with the music, the games, the kids. One of my main sensory issues is auditory. The earplugs made it possible for me to have conversations with people and not get near meltdown. A few times I had a pretty good startle reaction from a siren or bells from one of the arcade games though.
It was great to go out and meet fellow aspies. The staff with Aspergers Society of Ontario are great, and I felt welcomed there. It was nice that I got to attend an event so close to my house.
When I got home, I felt somewhat overloaded, but that's not so unusual. As happens with overload, I was sooooo sleepy, so I curled up under my new spiderman weighted blanket and had a great nap. Ahhh.
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